


I am only an observer to the tragedy of my life

by Alimator



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Angst, Did I mention angst, Emotional Hurt, F/M, Gabriel is a idiot but he doesn't mean it, Hurt Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir, I'm Sorry, Lots of Angst, More angst, Nathalie needs therapy, Sadness, Soooo much angst, but he still is, fluff at the beginning and then pain after, its nice at the start tho, nathalie deserves better, not sure at this point, she might get therapy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-19
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-17 14:09:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28850370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alimator/pseuds/Alimator
Summary: Nathalie finally gets the life she wants, she gets a dance, she gets Gabriel, but then everything is pulled out from underneath her without notice, without warning and she is left broken on the floor.orLOOOOOTTTTTSSS OF ANGST, I mean it.
Relationships: Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir & Gabriel Agreste | Papillon | Hawk Moth, Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir & Nathalie Sancoeur, Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir/Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug, Gabriel Agreste | Papillon | Hawk Moth/Nathalie Sancoeur, Gabriel Agreste | Papillon | Hawk Moth/Original Character(s)
Comments: 30
Kudos: 47





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Fleurjaune knows the plot for this lol. Thank you to them for allowing me to write this piece as it is very similar to their own, which I recommend reading, it's called Uncaught. I really recommend it as well as all of their other pieces because they are an amazing writer.

A soft tinkling started from upstairs. The tune started up slowly. Nathalie smiled absentmindedly. It was a piece that she often enjoyed in the quiet of her apartment whilst reading a book with a good glass of wine. She loved the dynamics and rhythm of the waltz. It drew one in and then back out again like the ocean enveloping the shore. To her ears, it seemed that Adrien had mastered it.

  
  


Gabriel watched Nathalie from where she stood at the podium. He noticed the smile that lit up her face when Adrien’s piano could be heard as he started practising a new piece. Gabriel couldn't help but inwardly wince at the minor mistakes, but Nathalie seemed to be enjoying it.

  
  


Nathalie hummed softly to herself and gracefully typed out an email without pause. She continued to mentally dance to the music unbeknownst to the fact that Gabriel was watching her.

  
  


“Nathalie,” the woman immediately stopped humming and tended at the sound of her name. He almost regretted pulling her out of the zone she had fallen into. The smile she had on had disappeared and she looked at him like she always looked at him when he asked for her attention, with stoic indifference, albeit, this time he swore he could see the smallest dusting of red grace her cheeks like she was embarrassed. 

  
  


He left the podium, trying to soften the hard expression on his face that had been etched into him like a carving into stone. He cracked a small smile and Nathalie seemed to relax at that, though the blush he had seen intensified slightly and her face remained serious. 

  
  


“Sorry sir, did I disturb you?” the embarrassment that she showed on her cheeks grew as she went on, “I got a bit carried away with the piece Adrien is playing. I'll stop now-”

  
  


Gabriel chuckled quietly and held his hand up to silence her. She was going to continue and was cut short. He gestured up towards the ceiling, from which the music drifted down into the atelier, up where Adrien was playing, “It’s a nice piece. I quite like it myself. Gentle but determined, I'd say, if I were to describe it,” it sounded to him as if he was describing the woman before him too, “Beautiful and gracious, elegant but elaborate.” 

  
  


Nathalie smiled, “yes, I agree. However I like to think of it more like the sea, it pulls you in and out, but then in the crescendos, you feel almost as if you've been suddenly taken in too deep, but yet you want to go further,” he looked deep into her eyes. Yes, most definitely, blue like the ocean. He constantly found himself lost in those eyes, too deep, but feeling the need to fall deeper, wanting more.

  
  


He held out his hand and her expression immediately contorted into one of surprise and confusion, “Care to dance?” He clarified.

  
  


Nathalie looked up at him so innocently, with such disbelief that his heart melted upon seeing it, “Me?” she asked. 

  
  


“There's no one else here,” he said.

  
  


Nathalie stared up at him for a little longer, weighing her options before she laid her hand on top of his and stood. She looked at the ground sheepishly, “I can't dance very well, sir.”

  
  


If he was completely honest, he was surprised at the statement. She had been to many charity and promotional events with him, parties galore, she'd have to have danced at least one of them; but then it occurred to him that she was always only there as his assistant, and he hadn't gone for one of those events since Emilie died, therefore, there hadn't been any need for her to dance at all. 

  
  


“Well, I'll teach you then,” he stated simply in response. Squeezing her hand tighter he guided her to the middle of the large room. He found that of all things, he oddly liked the sound of their footsteps sounding together in harmony.

“Put your arms around my neck,” in response Nathalie, once again, stared blankly at him as if it was the most absurd thing she had heard him tell her to do. They both knew that was a lie, Hawkmoth and magic and bringing wives back from the dead topped that list. 

  
  


In her hesitation, he took her other hand and lifted them to his head and placed them on his shoulders. Nathalie snapped out of whatever daze she had been in and moved her hands to properly wrap around his neck, “I’m going to place my hands on your waist, is that okay?” They had been in more intimate situations than this because of her sickness. He's had to carry her up to her room more times than he can count, and though he knew that she was comfortable with him she was obviously uncomfortable with dancing and he didn't want to push it. 

  
  


Nathalie nodded in affirmation and he placed his hands on her waist just as he had informed her. Gabriel pulled her in slightly closer to him and she didn't resist. 

  
  


“Okay, now comes the dancing. I'm going to bring my left foot forward,” he did so but kept it hovering in the air over Nathalie’s foot that was currently in the way, “and you place your right foot back,” Nathalie did so, and he placed his foot down, “good,” he smiled at her, and she smiled back, “now I'm going to bring my foot out to the side like so,” he showed her, moving his foot out to the side, “shoulder-width apart, parallel to my other and you do the same with your left.”

  
  


Soon Nathalie got the hang of it and they picked up speed and grace and they were practically flying around the room. She's a quick learner, he thought as she watched her sway to the music, her feet stepping on his only very occasionally. As she became more comfortable she rested her head on his chest and let the movement of her feet become automatic, as though she had been dancing for years prior.

  
  


The music stopped, ending in a beautiful chord that rang out and eventually faded away. Nathalie lifted her head off his chest and looked up at Gabriel. 

  
  


“Thank you,” she said softly, her voice silky smooth, like a melody of its own. Their faces were but an inch apart. Gabriel didn't know what it was but he had a sudden urge to kiss her. He wasn't sure when the logical side of his brain stopped working but before he knew it his lips were on hers. 

  
  


Nathalie tensed but only momentarily and then she was kissing him back. Gabriel smiled against her lips when she deepened it. All he could think of in the moment was her. Nathalie Sancoeur, the woman that he was now completely and utterly in love with.

|||

They were interrupted by the harsh beeping of an alarm, cutting through their moment like a knife. 

  
  


Gabriel groaned. It was the telltale sign of a meeting. Nathalie always added an alarm to her phone as a reminder otherwise he’d just ignore it and if he did ignore it she could just keep the alarm on or pester him herself, “Cancel it” 

  
  


Nathalie chuckled lightly and he almost forgot his frustrations at the sound, “I can't do that now, it's already started.”

  
  


Gabriel frowned down at her, “No, I'm not going,” he pouted dramatically, a very uncharacteristic move that made Nathalie cock an eyebrow in question. She's been working with him for over 15 years and he was still as unpredictable as ever.

  
  


“You have to. It's an important meeting.”

  
  


Gabriel leaned in and rested his head on her shoulder, his breath tickling her neck, “I want to stay with you,” he murmured.

  
  


She almost gave in right then and there but the ringing of his phone was added to the blare of the alarm causing a cacophony of noise and she knew that as much as she also wanted to stay like this she had a job to do which meant that he had to attend his meeting.

  
  


Gabriel sighed angrily and pushed off her to look behind at his phone that was precariously placed on the tablet come monitor that stood a good 5 feet off the ground, “How did they get my damn number?” The Agreste looked back at Nathalie for an answer, she smirked.

  
  


“‘They’ don't have your number, Audrey does,” Gabriel cursed silently which made her smirk widen, “and she won't be very happy if you don't attend that meeting.”

  
  


Gabriel breathed out through his mouth and stomped over to the podium leaving an amused Nathalie behind.

  
  


As soon as Gabriel got to his tablet he moved as fast as he could to get into the call. It wouldn't do to keep Audrey waiting. Soon enough he was staring right at not only Audrey but 6 other high up employees of which, Gabriel knew, wouldn't be happy with being made to wait either, even if it was for their boss and CEO Gabriel Agreste. He schooled his features and put on a face of stern indifference. He was their boss, not Audrey’s but it applied to the other 6, he could come an hour late if he wished. 

  
  


Audrey was the first to snap at him, “Gabriel, nice of you to grace us with your presence,” she said coyly, sly like a fox, “it’s about time.”

  
  


“My apologies, Audrey I was preoccupied with some other business,” he said smoothly. 

  
  


“What, were you trying on your lipstick line?” She asked, her tone annoyed by curious. Gabriel tensed. Shit.

  
  


“I, uh,” he stuttered and went red.

  
  


Audrey huffed, “Seriously Gabriel, you don't need to be embarrassed, I get my husband to try my lipsticks on all the time.”

  
  


“I-” he glanced at Nathalie warily, but she provided no help and just giggled at him.

  
  


“By the way, I love the Rosé, I'm wearing it now, but that one looks beautiful on you. Which shade?”

  
  


“Uh,” Gabriel decided to roll with Audrey's assumption, he turned confidently to Nathalie and asked her, “Nathalie, what shade?”

  
  


“Sancoeur, sir,” her smile widened as his pupils danced in panic. Gabriel had named it after her for reasons he hadn't disclosed to Nathalie. The media hadn't picked up on the fact that it was his assistant’s last name, everyone just assumed it meant heartless, it was common these days to name makeup completely unrelated names. 

  
  


Gabriel gulped warily and turned back to the screen. Nathalie had said it loud enough for Audrey to her because she was already rattling on about the shade, “It's a good shade, beautiful burgundy,” Audrey paused in thought, “you know Gabriel, it would look quite nice on your assistant, I mean, it's named after her, why not?” she shrugged as if it was normal to name a lipstick after an assistant and then make them where said lipstick just because you thought it looked nice on them.

  
  


Gabriel imitated her shrug and gave her a flat sounding hum which was neither in approval or disapproval, “right,” Gabriel said after a pause and a purposefully enunciated sigh, letting them know he was done with chit chat, “can we get to the work, the whole reason I attended this meaning.”

  
  


Audrey rolled her eyes, “Barely, but whatever.”

  
  


The rest of the meeting went smoothly, by the end of it he had managed to remove the lipstick from his mouth. He ended the call and looked over to Nathalie. 

  
  


She looked up from her computer to meet his gaze. 

  
  


“You wore it,” he breathed. Nathalie stood up from her desk and moved towards him. Gabriel left his podium behind and did the same. They met in the middle and Gabriel slipped his arms around her waist like it was the most natural thing in the world and all of a sudden they were in the same position they were in before the call. 

  
  


“Well, it was named after me.”

  
  


“I never said it was named after you,” he scoffed, teasing her.

  
  


“Right,” she kissed him, her lipstick once again staining his lips. Upstairs Adrien started playing another piece. 

  
  


Gabriel held out his hand. She took it.


	2. Chapter 2

_ 1 year later _

  
  


She woke up, inhaling deeply but not opening her eyes. It was a lovely morning, she knew from the feeling of the sun on her cheek. Nathalie listened for his breathing it was steady and quiet, she had to wait a while before her ears picked up on the sound. Whilst Gabriel didn't snore much, and that too not very loudly, she was aware that he was awake. Nathalie stretched out, her left arm and leg coming out and she arched her back slightly before relaxing her muscles once more. She hit Gabriel, but as she laid her hand on him she realised that where his waist and lower torso would be was instead his knee and lower thigh. She frowned slightly and groggily forced her eyes to open, frowning further as they were made to adjust to the light and pushed back urging her to close them in her sleepiness. When she had got them open she turned her head to look up at Gabriel who was leaning against the headboard of the bed and staring down at her with an albeit blank expression, as if he was contemplating something. As he realised Nathalie was awake he frowned slightly, but only for a moment before it dissolved into a soft smile. 

  
  


“Happy anniversary, darling,” his voice was husky and whisky smooth. The sun shone through the curtains staining the room a warm orange glow. The rays that managed to get through the window where the curtain wasn’t drawn properly lit up only one side of his face and reflected slightly off his glasses. It looked cute.

  
  


Nathalie smiled back at him closing her eyes contently and turned on her stomach to place a hand around him, “Happy anniversary,” the words came out muffled by the pillow. They had been dating for a year now.

  
  


Gabriel let her doze on her pillow for a moment more before he asked, “Hungry?” Nathalie made a sound of affirmation, “to your right, my dear.”

  
  


She turned her head to her bedside table and there sitting upon it was a tray of her breakfast. A grin spread across her face. She immediately sat up, her back straight, using the headboard for support. After ensuring she was in a comfortable but adequate position so that the tray would be balanced she brought the tray into her lap. Next to her, Gabriel did the same. It was a hearty meal, and by the looks of it very expensive too. An assortment of bread sat to the side of the tray, the pile wanting to fall with every small shake. A fruit salad sat next to a toasted bagel that held some cream cheese and slices of salmon that were still warm. Gabriel knew that she didn’t like things like cold meats cold. Next to that was prosciutto, sliced as finely as you could get meat cut and finally, a cup of what she assumed was spirulina to wash it all down. Gabriel’s plate was similar however, he had an egg and bacon on top of his bagel and a slice of bread slathered in jam instead of prosciutto. He knew that she didn’t like egg nor bacon as weird as it sounded to the normal person and she wasn’t a fan of jam either. 

  
  


Making sure that her tray wasn’t going to fall she moved the hand closest to Gabriel and squeezed his. He looked at her and smiled, “Bon appetit, mon cher.”

|||

The rest of the day went as per usual, they had work. They fell into a comfortable silence. Neither felt the need to talk in the presence of each other, it was something she loved about them. They just seemed to understand each other without needing to say much. It had come in handy when Gabriel was still practising as Hawkmoth, merely a look would communicate to her that he felt a strong emotion and alternatively a look from her would communicate to him that she did or did not think it was a good idea. Often she found that he would know if she was tired or worn out from a hard days work, sometimes, even, he’d realise she was sick or tired before she knew herself. She loved that about him.

|||

“I’ve made a booking for us, for dinner,” Gabriel said suddenly from across the room, he never looked up from his work as he said it. 

  
  


“ _ You  _ made a booking for us?” she said rather pointedly, he was not the type to do such things at all let alone on his own. 

  
  


He finally looked up from his work, “Yes,” she had only been teasing him but when Gabriel replied he sounded annoyed. A frown crossed her face, but she shrugged it off, putting it down to him being frustrated at his work.

|||

She got out of the car and almost immediately a camera flashed. How the hell did the vultures know about a dinner date? Probably a rogue employee that blabbed for a bit of cash. She scowled. She wouldn’t let them ruin her night with Gabriel. They got to the door, covering their faces as they went. The porter opened the door without hesitation, ushering them in with a sympathetic smile. Gabriel spent no time lolling around and got to the front desk immediately, asking for their table. After the confirmation of their booking, they were lead to their table. 

  
  


It was that kind of restaurant that gave you absurdly small servings for absurdly high prices. The ‘meals’ that were only a heaped tablespoon worth of food, more if you ordered well, yet you had to space it out across half an hour or so like you would for an average meal. However, the tablespoon of food you did get was an exceptionally good tablespoon. You'd almost always want more but it would look weird if you bought more because, well, because. She couldn't help but wonder if there were people who went home and got out a human-sized portion, rather than ant-sized one, to fulfil their appetite. 

  
  


She picked up her menu and assessed it. There were nice options, expensive, but Gabriel was paying so… He’d always spoilt her, she enjoyed it. She hadn’t exactly had that luxury when she was only his assistant, it got to a point where you got jealous and annoyed when you were surrounded by luxury every day, but could never enjoy it yourself and then you got home to your normal apartment and realised you couldn’t afford even a quarter of what those people could. Gabriel paid her well, much better than many people she knew, she was well off for a middle-class citizen, She had to admit that she was spoilt even when she was just his assistant, however, Gabriel’s wealth was quite vast compared to hers. 

  
  


She looked over her menu and was pulled out of her thoughts. He sat across from her, looking down at his menu. He had worn a handsome suit, red with a black tie and she had matched him in a sleek black dress. He stuck out like a sore thumb, but that was kind of the point of fashion. He looked too handsome for his own good, yet he managed to give off a very professional and stoic air. He exuded dominance, he was proud and stood strong. 

  
  


She’d never let him go.

|||

  
  


When she woke up the next morning Gabriel wasn’t sleeping next to her. He had probably already started work for the day. Nathalie sighed and slipped out from under the covers. She rested on the edge of her bed and let herself hunch resting her elbow on her shoulder and propping her face up with her hand. She was so tired, her eyes desperately wanted to draw close and the mist of sleep grew heavier still, she almost fell off her hand and fell back to sleep. Nathalie caught herself and pushed herself into a standing position, bracing herself for the impending spell of dizziness that would inevitably come. Once she regained her balance Nathalie went over to the bathroom and prepared herself to go down for the day. 

  
  


Adrien was the only one at the dining table when she reached it. He sat there solemnly, looking down at his plate. When she pushed the large doors to the dining room open further Adrien did not lookup. It was odd for Gabriel not to be there. As far as she was concerned he did not have any meetings that morning, or anything so urgent that it was necessary to go to the office early and start working at that time of day. She considered going to ask him why he had disappeared and left Adrien all alone, but she decided that whatever it was it was either important or he didn’t want to talk about it, on top of that she was feeling rather tired that morning and she needed her coffee as soon as humanly possible. She pulled her normal chair out carelessly, the noise of it scraping against the floor was enough to make anyone look up, in annoyance if anything, but Adrien didn’t move a muscle and continued to look down at his food and slowly down it. 

  
  


‘Odd,’ she thought. Adrien wasn’t the type to keep to himself, he was quite a social butterfly. She couldn’t fathom what had happened to make him look so down that morning. She had a feeling it had something to do with Gabriel. If he wasn’t here and Adrien was looking sad they must have argued about something or another. 

  
  


“How are you this morning, Adrien?” she asked though the answer was plainly portrayed on his face. She knew from experience that the boy needed attention, and he needed love, he was used to bottling up his feelings as he had never had anyone to tell them to. He would not speak unless the question was asked. 

  
  


“Fine,” he tried to add some momentary joy to the dejected expression on his face but it vanished as soon as it appeared and he continued to stare down at his food.

  
  


She looked down at her food, putting together a conversation in her head, trying to figure out what to say to keep it going. “Did you sleep well?” Adrien didn’t usually make it very hard, but when he was at a loss for words both Gabriel and herself found that they were too. Neither of them were very loud people, they both prefered to say as little as possible and kept to themselves, Adrien, on the other hand, was very loud and joyous, all of the time. He was just like his mother really, sometimes when she looked at Gabriel and the type of person he was, she wondered how he had ever found an ‘obnoxious’, for lack of a better word, woman like Emilie come into his life, let alone marry her. 

  
  


“Uh,” he took a bite of his food, looking up, but not at Nathalie instead at some random spot over her shoulder. He paused as though he was looking for a word to answer with, but he settled on a bland, “yeah.”

  
  


They sat in silence for the rest of their meal and ate quickly. Adrien finished first and excused himself with a hurried tone. Like her, he pulled out the chair beneath him with a loud screech and almost fell on the ground as his leg got caught on the chair leg as he prematurely tried to escape it before it was fully pulled out. As he reached the door he slowly turned around to face her like a 4-year old that had just been scolded by his mother, but with eyes of a sad puppy, “Nathalie,” he barely whispered. She swore he sounded like he was about to cry. “I’m so sorry,” for the first time that day he looked her in the eye and she could see that his eyes were filled with tears. He fled the room before she could reply or even register what he meant. Nathalie wanted to go after him but she decided it was best to give him some space. She finished up her breakfast, she would ask Gabriel about it.

  
  


Gabriel was pacing back and forth when she entered the atelier and stopped in his tracks standing stock still when he saw Nathalie come through the door. He looked like a dear in headlights. She wanted to be amused but the words Adrien left her with went through her head like a whirlwind, pushing away any other thought that came to mind. Without letting Gabriel compose himself, she walked towards him and asked, “Gabriel, did you say something to Adrien?”

  
  


Though he didn’t show the emotion with his facial features he showed it with his eyes. In them, she could see, his dread and sadness, even a bit of guilt, “Nathalie,” he paused, tensing his jaw. He furrowed his brow, making the sadness all the more apparent upon his face. 

  
  


Now she was worried. Had something serious happened? What had Gabriel sad to Adrien to make both of them look so distraught? What had Adrien said to Gabriel? Different scenarios passed through her head was Adrien leaving, was he okay, was Gabriel okay, did something happen to him? What if it was her, had she done something wrong? 

  
  


“Gabriel?”

  
  


He sighed and buried his hands in his face, “I’m breaking up with you.”

  
  


“You, what?” Nathalie said softly but firmly. She didn’t fully register what came out of his mouth. 

  
  


“Nathalie,” Gabriel said in what sounded like a composed version of an annoyed whine. 

  
  


“This is a joke right?” the words came out harshly with no remorse because if it was a joke, it was not a very funny one, not funny at all. 

  
  


Gabriel’s face went through a series of different expressions before settling on one and looking her in the eye, “I’m sorry.”

  
  


It was then Nathalie lost her sanity and started to laugh. How was this fair? She had done everything for Gabriel. She had gone to the ends of the earth, no, make it the universe, and back for him. Nathalie had been prepared to die for him, to sacrifice herself for him so that he could get his wife back. And now? Now he was breaking up with her after she had given her life and heart over to him. And all he had to say for himself was ‘I’m sorry’, “I’m sorry? You’re sorry about this?” she slowly raised her voice, “Good to know Gabriel, thanks for being sorry. After all that I’ve done for you!” Gabriel averted his eyes and found a sudden interest in the floor before her feet, “What kind of cynical monster are you?” at this point she was screaming, her blood was boiling, and her whole body was tense with hatred, “Oh right I forgot,” she lowered her volume so that nobody outside of the room could hear, but still put in the same amount of anger in and hoped it looked just as scary if not more, “you  _ are _ a monster,  _ Hawkmoth _ ,” Gabriel took a sharp breath in when he heard his old alias. 

  
  


Nathalie clenched and unclenched her jaw and they stood in silence for a few moments, Gabriel looking like he could run at any moment and Nathalie poised to physically attack him if he tried, "Is this why Adrien was sad?" Gabriel barely nodded. Nathalie chewed on her lip, "why did we celebrate our anniversary yesterday then?" 

"Because I thought that you would want to enjoy the night, I thought that it would be nice to end this on a high note," as he said it Nathalie could see the confidence drain out of his with every word. 

"Right, so now I know that it was all fake, and you didn't mean a single word or action. You were just doing it because you felt obliged. That makes me feel great," she stared him down, "When was the last time you meant it?"

Gabriel now looked extremely uncomfortable, "A month ago."

Nathalie took a deep but sharp breath in and buried her face in her hands. A month. He hadn't loved her for a month. In her head she went over everything Gabriel had ever done for her, every kiss, every hug, every look and action of affection from the past month, all of it was fake. She wanted to cry, but she couldn't let Gabriel see her like that. She had to have one last moment of dignity, for her own sake. She lifted her face out of her hand and looked up at him, “Tell me why,” she ordered tersely.

Gabriel looked at her as though she had just sprouted two horns, “I-I don’t know”

  
  


Nathalie barked humourlessly, “you don’t know?” 

  
  


He combed his hair back and fiddled with the cuffs of his suit, “No, I-,” he paused, she could see the cogs turning in his head, “I don’t know I’ve just fallen out of love with you.”

  
  


That was it. For some reason, that simple statement hurt more than the real break up. He had said it. Gabriel Agreste did not love Nathalie Sancoeur. She felt as though her heart was being ripped out from her, it fell in a bloody pool at their feet. She hoped that he would drown in the blood. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to give Nathalie a little bit of a come back because honestly, that is the most horrible thing he could do. Nathalie always bites back the pain and moves on but I wanted her to show him who was boss for a few moments before everything unravelled.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Enter Jasmine Allard

Nathalie cried. If her soul was an intricately woven quilt it had come completely undone, and now every action, every feeling felt as though she was a puppet being pulled by those loose strings, hers, but not really. When she had reached her apartment, one she still owned as an investment property, though Gabriel had once told her that she didn’t need to worry about money, that was when she was with him. Nathalie shut the door behind her and slid down it. She cried and her whole body was wracked with sobs. It was a jarring sound if anyone had heard they would have surely come to check, or maybe they wouldn’t have, she didn’t mean anything to anyone anyway. The only break in the sobbing was when she took in great gulps of air to fill her lungs so that she could start balling again. Her head throbbed, she shook violently as though her heart was causing a magnitude 8 earthquake inside of her. 

  
  


Gabriel had offered to lay her off so that she could get three months pay, but she refused to take the money. She wouldn’t rely on Gabriel, she was done with him, she couldn’t let him think she had nothing without him. She would show him that she was strong with the few chances she got. So she quit.

  
  


She hated herself because she couldn’t stop thinking about him. She couldn’t stop loving him. Nathalie let out a frustrated scream and kicked her couch, swearing when her foot collided with the area where framing lay under the fabric. Why couldn’t her emotions just subside? Why was he still that perfect, hardworking, loving man in her head when he had hurt her and used her in reality? 

  
  


She kept telling herself to let go. Telling herself that he didn’t love her, that he would never love her and it was over. But in the mornings when her mind was still foggy and let her forget that she had cried herself to sleep once more she would turn to face an empty pillow expecting Gabriel to be sleeping there. It made it hurt more when she’d remember things they would do together, events that would have happened throughout the day or how Gabriel would have reacted to certain things, but she’d remember he wasn’t there soon after. The first morning without him she had made two cups of coffee subconsciously and then cried what was probably another cups worth of tears. Another day she had gotten herself ready for work, got into the car and even panicked over the fact that she would possibly be late but then remembered whilst stuck at a red light that she wasn’t working for him anymore. She chided herself for being so completely forgetful, but she had worked for him for years and years, much before he had married Emilie which was 17 years ago, everything from going to work to waking up at the perfect time so that she would be early but not by too much was ingrained in her mind. She didn’t remember the last tie she had altered her routine, or not gone through it, she wasn’t in the habit of taking leave. Nathalie had worked even if she was sick, even if it was raining fire, which was not impossible back then when Hawkmoth existed.

  
  


She had considered turning him in for his crimes as Hawkmoth, she had knowledge enough of where he kept things and how he did things to provide proof in court. She reminded herself that the risk was too big and he could easily just turn her in with him. Half of herself told her that he would probably keep her identity secret, but then another half told her that if he could be so cruel as to use her for years and break her in the end then he was more than capable of turning her in and on top of that finding a way to make sure he was found not guilty. 

  
  


She had a process in which she’d go through the week. 

MONDAY: Cry

TUESDAY: Deny feelings

WEDNESDAY: Hate Gabriel 

THURSDAY: Hate herself

FRIDAY: Cry some more

SATURDAY: Worry about Adrien

SUNDAY: Wonder what future she had left

In actual fact, she cried at the end of every day or at least once per day so she could just add ‘and cry’ to every day’s schedule. 

  
  


It was a full month before she finally pulled herself together enough, or rather checked her bank account and then realised she didn’t have a job to sustain her emotional eating, to start looking for a job. 

|||

  
  


During her many years working with Gabriel the brand she had been noticed in the media and also by many other firms. Multiple fashion companies had contacted her over the years offering her jobs. Many were more than willing to pay more than what Gabriel was which was a lot for a PA. Back then she had turned them all down in her loyalty to Gabriel, however, now her dedication to the company and the man were no longer tying her down.

  
  


She didn’t want a job in the fashion industry. She suspected that for the rest of her life anything to do with fashion would always be tainted by the image and memory of Gabriel. Fortunately, her masters in business meant that she had a rather large variety of career paths she could choose from. She called up one of her friends in the financial industry who had offered her a job recently. Purely finance was rather boring, she had to admit but she had more than enough experience with it from working in Gabriel. It paid well and what was better was that she didn’t even need to apply, they were still happy to hire her. Of course, she was still required to attend an interview.

|||

She should have anticipated the question, she should have thought up an answer to it long before but she hadn’t. The man asked and she sputtered, she was lost for words, none came to mind. She didn’t want to tell the truth, but she couldn’t think up a lie. It was odd really, she had lied to and manipulated children as Mayura even as Nathalie but she wasn’t able to think up an excuse for this one. In the end, the man shrugged and waved it off, telling her that they were just happy to have her on the team. He stood up to shake her hand and she did subconsciously. Nathalie left without saying another word. 

  
  


“Why did you leave Gabriel?”

|||

_ 7 months later _

The first time she heard about it, or rather, saw it, was in a gossip magazine. Absurdly so, she never looked at them, but her old habit of ignoring the tabloids and basically everything that was a distraction was fading. Nathalie couldn’t help but be slightly offended that neither Gabriel nor Adrien nor any of her friends for that matter had contacted her about it. She was only buying some groceries but as she let her gaze wander it caught on the title of the cover story. Nathalie bought it, though she was a little embarrassed by it. The cashier didn’t seem to mind and placed it her bag without hesitation. She didn’t dare look at it again until she got home, in the hope that the cover story would miraculously change.

  
  


Nathalie closed the door behind her and gingerly got to putting all of her groceries in their allocated area and shelves. Then finally, once everything was put away neatly she pulled the magazine from the flimsy plastic bag and sat down on her recliner to read. 

  
  


It was a horrendous pink in colour, one, she thought, Gabriel would have despised. She carefully read over the sentence in big black block lettering hoping beyond all hopes that her eyes were deceiving her. They weren’t.

  
  


**GABRIEL AGRESTE’S NEW LOVER?: Playboy Agreste already moved on from assistant.**

Underneath was a picture of Gabriel at some fancy party exiting his car with a brown-haired woman at his arm. 

  
  


It was gossip, it had to be and she refused to believe it, but at the sight of it, her heart sunk. She chided it for doing so. She was supposed to have gotten over him, he certainly had. Nathalie pulled out her phone and searched Gabriel Agreste up. She saw another article about him and another woman out of the corner of her eye but she dismissed it and with a shaky finger clicked on images. It wasn’t fake, it was very real. She denied the voice of truth in her head and exited out of the app instead, clicking on Instagram and pulling up Adrien’s story. In the first picture that came up were Adrien and the woman she had seen in the magazine. Nevertheless, she picked up the magazine and cross analysed the two photos. She vaguely recognised the woman. She thought that she had possibly acted in one of those historical dramas where they show the perspective of a person that’s lived through the war and how it affected them, but then it turns into what’s basically a romantic drama. She turned her attention back to Adrien’s post and read the caption:

  
  
  


Hanging out with my dad’s new gf, @JasmineAllard. She’s so nice, love her so much ✌ 😆 💕

  
  


It hurt to see Adrien of all people move on so quickly, but that was the type of boy he was, a small ball of sunshine. He thought everyone was nice and loved everyone on top of it all. She dreaded the day when he would find out how cruel the world actually was, but was glad that he hadn’t already and had still managed to keep his innocence. 

  
  


Jasmine Allard, she knew her. She worked with Emilie once on a movie that became quite famous once it came out. It was so like Gabriel, he had a type: Everyone who knew Emilie. She had probably met her herself once or twice when Emilie was still around whilst doing her job, but she wasn’t sure. What she was sure about was that this woman was perfect, she had to be, otherwise, Gabriel would never have liked her. She was sweet and loving, a charmer, but humble and she hated her.

  
  


She wanted to cry, but it felt odd to do so, she hadn’t cried in what felt like years and if she remembered correctly it felt horrible and every time she did she could hardly stop and would end up with a headache worse than a hangover, so she punched the kitchen counter instead and ended up with a bruised fist. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry my dudes, slightly shorter chapter than the other two, I was struggling to come up with more words to put down and wanted to keep some ideas I had for another chapter.
> 
> Also, I thought I might just say (because I always find mistakes in my work lol) that I hate editing my own work, I can never bring myself to read over my writing through though I love editing other's people's work (not because I think I'm perfect [oh lord no]), I just find my work boring to read though I know that it's okay? I don't know if that makes sense. It's kind of like not wanting to read a book twice because you've already gone through the thrill of it and the second time over it's just boring. So, if you find mistakes, which you probably will, I am sorry.


	4. Chapter 4

It was Sunday when she received the e-invite. She had found out that she loved Sunday's, they were the perfect day to set up your week and she liked to relish the last day of the weekend by relaxing completely, something that had been a rare luxury when she had been working for Gabriel. 

She had revived many texts from Gabriel after their break up so she was curious and a little annoyed when she received a text from him albeit the latter came later. When she saw it on her phone lock screen she had been too quick and too excited to open it. She swore he heart skipped a beat despite the fact that she had rigorously trained it not to. Then she resorted to annoyance. Why was he contacting her? The last time he had contacted her was to wish her a happy birthday and she dreaded the memory because deep in her mind it ignited a small spark of hope that he still cared, which the logical side of her brain knew wasn't true. She hadn't realised the true extent of the message and entered the chat, later she would regret doing so and wish she hadn't given him the satisfaction of her reading the message. When his birthday had come around she had almost felt guilty for not sending him something, but then took some small joy in knowing that he would be disappointed even if it wasn't much of a feeling. 

Knowing that this wasn't any special occasion she opened up the chat. An image file showed up and she tapped on it magnifying it and bringing it into view so that she could read. 

To her dismay, it was an invite to a wedding, his wedding with the perfect Jasmine Allard. Her heart lurched. They had only been together for what? Less than a year? Gabriel and herself had celebrated a year of being together as boyfriend and girlfriend and he had known her for many more before that, yet it took merely 9 months before he decided to get married to a girl? 

What if he had fallen out of love with her much before their breakup, much more than a month? What if he hadn't been sure the whole time they had been together? Doubt bombarded her mind with questions that she desperately wanted the answers to. She exited the app and declared her Sunday a bust.

It took her 4 days to build up the courage to reply. She couldn't say yes. It would be awkward for everyone, what had Gabriel been thinking when he sent her an invite? He had either felt bad and did it out of obligation and politeness, not actually expecting her to say yes anyway or the Allard woman and or Adrien had pestered him to send her one. Everyone knew that she and Gabriel had been in a relationship, most certainly everyone at the wedding would know too. She'd get looks, either of pity or disgrace. The media would be all over it, not that they wouldn't do the same if she didn't turn up either. Gabriel and herself wouldn't even be able to exchange niceties let alone small talk if their texting was anything to go by and though she unfairly despised the woman he was betrothed to she couldn't help but feel premature pity for her. She didn't want to imagine their conversation.

She sent him a short curt message informing him that she was busy and that she wouldn't be able to make it, though her heart ached just slightly in remorse when she forced herself to hit send.

|||

The steady hum of the busy workplace was reduced to a soft murmur as she closed the door to her office. Her inhale and exhale of relief filled the silent room as she got to her seat and started up her computer. It was a wonderful place to work, she had been pleasantly surprised to find that some even looked up to her and asked her for advice before she even knew them. However, it could get hectic.

Though she was admired by some she was also looked down upon by others, maybe it was because she was a woman which was arguably worse, but she had a feeling it was because she used to be an assistant. 

Nathalie quickly clacked in her password without paying much attention and waited for the computer to log her in. 

It was mostly men but some of the women could get rather catty too. Sometimes she'd be asked to do mundane work meant for people much lower down the hierarchy than her, other times she'd just get looks that weren't as discrete as the offender would have hoped. It annoyed her as it would annoy anyone, but whenever she was worked up about she'd curse Gabriel and imagine different ways to kill him then move on. 

She spied a little red bubble with the number 2 hovering over the mail app informing her that she had two unread emails so she entered that first. Two fresh emails cluttered her immaculate inbox. The first most recent one was spam and she quickly dismissed it flagging it as spam and then junking it. The next email was of interest and her stomach sunk into a sea of dread as she read the subject and sender:

Graduation!!!  
Sender: Adrien Agreste (therealadrienagreste@mlb.com) 

She clicked on the email rather cautiously. Then mentally prepared herself in the few seconds it took to load. 

Dear Nathalie,

I was wondering if you'd attend my graduation from lycée. I know it's been a long time since I've seen you and I'm aware that you couldn't make it to Father’s wedding for work reasons or personal. However, it would be great if you came for this, just to see your hard work pay off. You're the one who got me into school after all!   
I know you're busy and I know that it may make you feel uncomfortable so it's okay if you can't make it but it'd be nice if you could.

Yours sincerely,  
Adrien

Uncomfortable was a mediocre word compared to what it made her feel just thinking about it. She had turned down Gabriel's invitation to his wedding clearly stating that she had work and was busy, though it was a lie. Adrien had suspected as much. It would make their interaction painfully unbearable. She desperately didn't want to turn the boy down. It was Gabriel who had wronged her not Adrien and she still loved him with all of her heart. He was still like a son to her even though they hadn't been in contact for months. So much so that it gave her further reason to go. 

Her phone binges and she checked it. It was from Gabriel. If he was going to make a habit of texting her she might have to block him:

Hey Nathalie, I know it's been a while but Adrien’s graduations coming up and he's very excited for it. I know he's already sent you an email about it but I just wanted to say that before you consider turning him down because of me know that it would mean a lot to him if you came. He really values you, you're an important parental figure in his life so I urge you to come, for his sake.

Yours, Gabriel

Nathalie wanted to throw the phone to the ground when she read the way he had concluded it. ‘Yours, Gabriel’, he had some nerve. It was as though he was running it into her face. She wasn't his. He wasn't hers. When he did things like that it made her wish that the innuendos were true. 

He was right which was more frustrating, she couldn't turn Adrien down, not for something like this. This was important. You only graduated from lycée once.

She left Gabriel on read and replied to Adrien confirming her presence at the graduation.

It was a boiling hot day, which would be troublesome for everyone present at the 3 hour-long ceremony. She scoured the large courtyard for somebody she knew, but immediately butterflies invaded her stomach when she caught sight of Gabriel. She wanted to turn away but Jasmine had already noticed her, God knew where she remembered her face from, Nathalie suspected the tabloids. She couldn’t walk away now, Gabriel had followed his wife’s gaze and spotted her too. The ex-assistant begrudgingly walked over to them, trying not to show the irksome feeling she had inside. Nathalie was forced to sit right next to Gabriel as someone had already positioned themselves next to Jasmine and he seemed to have been saving the seat for her before she had even arrived. She sat down reluctantly, trying to keep some distance from Gabriel but the chairs were pushed close together so that they could fit more into the courtyard and their thighs touched. Jasmine was the first to start up a conversation.

“How are you, Nathalie?” she sounded too excited, it sounded fake, “Is your new job treating you well?” Gabriel seemed to be interested in her answer and turned his head ever so slightly in her direction but kept looking forwards.

“Fine thank you, the job is nice,” she kept her answer short, she didn’t want to go pouring her heart and soul out to them neither did she want to converse much. If she could keep the interaction down to the minimum it would be better for all of them. Jasmine didn’t seem to get the memo.

“Oh, it must be a lot calmer than working for Gabriel,” she grinned, “my goodness his company’s a trainwreck,” Jasmine laughed at her own joke but Gabriel and Nathalie held the same pained expressions on their faces, “I mean, I turned up and everything was everywhere, who the hell was organising it, I don’t know, but he should have replaced them as soon as he got the chance!” she continued laughing for a few moments before she realised what she had said and her smile vanished succeeded by a frown that tainted her perfect face, “Oh. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it that way,” she tried to remedy her unintentional insult, “You were a great help to Gabe-” realising it couldn’t go anywhere but downhill from there, Gabriel placed a hand on his wife’s knee and she snapped her mouth shut.

They proceeded to sit in uncomfortable silence. The air was not only thick from the heat but the awkwardness between them.

They watched throughout the entire ceremony. Jasmine and Gabriel passing comments about Adrien between themselves, ignoring Nathalie completely, but she found she didn’t mind and was happier to avoid conversation than be noticed and have to try to fabricate one. Speeches were made, but it all washed over Nathalie like a river to a rock, wearing it down slowly, but not causing too much fuss. It was all a long drawl, she only got out her phone to snap some pictures of Adrien and take a video when he received his diploma but otherwise, she remained rather indifferent to what was going on around her. She caught Gabriel stealing glances at her with an expression she wasn’t sure of, disappointment, or pity, she did not know.

Finally, the ceremony came to an end and Adrien found them waiting for him. Jasmine smothered him with hugs and kisses and kept going on about how she was so proud, which to Nathalie seemed superficial as she hadn’t known the child for much longer than two years, but that was because Nathalie had known the boy all his life. So she decided that she was just jealous. Gabriel’s approach to congratulating his son was much more restrained but he hugged him, much longer than he normally would and recited a subdued version of his wife’s prideful mantra. They asked her to take a photo of the three of them and Nathalie complied, but it felt like something Gabriel would order her to do back when she was working for him. 

When Jasmine and Gabriel were busy admiring their son’s diploma Nathalie got a few moments with him alone. She wrapped her arms around the boy she had practically raised and told him softly so that only they could hear, “I’m very proud of you Adrien, your mother, Emilie” she clarified, “would be too.” when she pulled away Adrien grabbed back on so her and pulled her back into the embrace. 

“I love you, Nathalie. Jasmine won’t ever be able to replace you,” Nathalie frowned, he shouldn’t be saying things like that about his step-mother, “what Father did was wrong, he shouldn’t have let you go,” they let go of each other, “We don’t deserve you, Nathalie. I hope you find somebody that does,” she greatly doubted that, but smiled at him anyway. 

She figured that despite their hushed tones Gabriel had heard their conversation because when she turned around he was looking at her oddly. She quickly said her goodbyes and left, not wanting to continue burning in this emotional and physical hell.

|||

Nathalie thought it odd to receive mail. It was the 21st century after all. All her bills were sent to her by email, she didn't have any newspaper subscriptions, she just asked her phone or checked her TV for the latest news updates. She couldn't think of anything that would require to be sent by mail when there was an electronic option. Voting had been held the year before.

She was even more surprised when she saw that it was from Adrien. The envelope was made out of that glossy shiny paper with a metallic finish that screamed rich and was probably very expensive so she opened it up carefully, making sure she didn’t tear it. She had an idea of exactly what such an envelope could contain but didn’t let herself believe it, because it would mean more pain and suffering on her part.

Her suspicions were confirmed as she pulled out an ornate piece of paper with the names Marinette and Adrien printed in big swirly writing at the top. ‘How the hell was she expected to attend this’ she thought but knew very well that she was expected and it would look outrageously rude not to come. So she accepted much to her dismay.

She was happy for Adrien and Marinette, she truly was, she had noticed the girls admiration for Adrien quite early on and was proud that Adrien son of Mr Oblivious Agreste realised and now they were happy together. At least Adrien had a moral compass enough not to dump the woman that had been pining over him for years. 

If love was red it was practically drenching the couple, as she watched them on the dance floor in each other’s arms she almost wished Gabriel and her were still together so that could do the same but she was quickly snapped out of her thoughts once she spied Jasmine and himself gliding across the rooms looking at each other in the same way Marinette and Adrien were. She was happy for Gabriel too. Even though it broke her heart to see, she was happy that he had made a life for himself away from Emilie and the miraculous. He had turned around completely, an achievement that was mostly down to Nathalie’s undying support for him over the years, but he had still managed to. 

Adrien sat down with her at some point in the night. He had brought her a drink and his own glass nearly halfway done. 

“Thanks for coming,” he said, he had to raise his voice to compete with the volume of the crowd. 

“It’s my pleasure,” she lied, “Again, congratulations to you and Marinette,” Adrien gave her a small smile of thanks. They sat in silence not knowing what to say and though she appreciated Adrien’s company as he was probably the only one she felt comfortable with in the room, she couldn’t help but wish he had stayed with his friends instead of crossing the room to come to talk with her. 

“It’s a-”

“You-” they said at the same time and nervously laughed it off. 

“You first,” Adrien offered.

“Nonsense, you’re are the groom after all,” Adrien hummed.

“You still love father don’t you,” if she knew that was what he was going to say she wouldn’t have let him start.

“Adrien,” she said in a warning tone she used to use when he did or said something questionable back when he was a child and she was still taking care of him. 

“I know you don’t want to talk about it and as I told you last time it was wrong on Father’s behalf to break up with you, but you can’t hold this inside forever Nathalie,” she was very much so planning to.

“Adrien, my feelings for your father don’t matter,” she sighed. He should understand he wasn’t a child anymore.

“Yes, they do!” Adrien rebuked, “Of course they matter, they are your feelings. They matter Nathalie, you matter!” he was treating her too much like a maternal figure and not his fathers ex-assistant.

“Adrien, I love your father, that’s true enough, but I can’t do anything about it, he’s married to Jasmine. He chose her over me rather blatantly,” the younger Agreste frowned but seemed to see her point, “It doesn’t matter how much or how little I love him, I’m not the person he loves,” Adrien decided not to reply instead he settles on just staring at her with pity written all over his face. She was sick of people feeling pity for her. After a moment or two of it, she found it unbearable and told Adrien to go have fun, “this is your wedding, after all, don’t worry about me,” he left, probably seeing no way to continue the conversation. 

The rest of the night went on uneventfully. A few men and women asked her to the dance floor. She had been tempted more than once to say yes, prove Adrien right that she could find someone else, but instead, she reverted to her belief that she would never be able to let Gabriel go and turned everyone down. 

She was about to leave when Gabriel and Jasmine approached her. Nathalie panicked, what could they possibly want from her. Though their last conversation at Adrien’s graduation was long ago the memory was still fresh in her mind and she could feel the same awkwardness exude from her as they got closer. 

Gabriel came to her and held out his hand, “May I have a dance?”

She was tempted, oh so tempted, maybe if Jasmine wasn’t there she would have said yes, but she knew that if she took his hand she’d be hanging onto a fraying thread and the few shards of her heart she had left she wouldn’t leave with by the end of the night. So, she turned him down, telling him that she was leaving anyway. However, Gabriel didn’t seem to want to rest until Nathalie got a dance that night and he offered Jasmine’s hand instead, his wife was more than willing to take her for a twirl, but Nathalie knew that she couldn’t get entwined further in the Agreste’s life when she’d already been brutally cut loose. 

So Nathalie stood swiftly, making the couple before her take a small step back, “No thank you,” she said and she took her leave. 

She didn’t say goodbye to Adrien but she caught his eye as she left and they gave each other a small nod of understanding, Adrien’s sorrowful eyes meeting her defeated, but determined ones.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Took me some time to get this out, sorry, but fortunately, it's a bit longer and there are some bits in there that I'm quite happy with so, hopefully, you guys like it. 
> 
> I'm stuck between giving Nathalie self-worth and taking it all away so she's in a tussle with herself over loving Gabriel but also wanting to move on and break away from him.


	5. Chapter 5

Father passed this morning.

  
  


It was a short text. She couldn’t have expected more. What a state he would have been in. Nathalie was just honoured and grateful that the boy had remembered him during such a time where his mental state would have been horrible. She inhaled softly, her breath becoming shaky and the hand on her phone trembled so much that she had to bang the phone down on the table and pushed her hands down on the wooden surface to stop them from moving. Nathalie pursed her lips and bit down hard on them trying to enlist physical pain to distract her from her emotions. She gripped the table, clawing her nails upon the wood in an effort to prevent or at least quiet the loud sobs and tears that were impending. The first tear rolled down her face and a quiet sob burst out of her mouth rebelliously. After that, it was hard to get herself under control. A colleague turned to her wondering what was happening and gasped when he saw her.

  
  


“Nathalie!” His German accent came out slightly harsher whenever he said her name. Lukas had moved from Germany as a teenager to France, but still, his accent persisted. At the sound of her name the whole table turned to her and one by one, seeing the state she was in, called out her name and she was bombarded with ‘are you okay?’s and ‘what’s wrong?’. It was the worst place to break down crying, over Gabriel of all people. Plenty of people here knew about how she felt about Gabriel, it could not be avoided, it had been all over the tabloids. Lukas was the first to get to her and pushed everyone else away from her shouting at them to give her space. The Director, Michelle, a woman, though she envied for her position she quite admired dismissed everyone and ushered them out. 

  
  


“Nathalie,” she said once everyone except herself and Lukas had left the meeting room. Her voice was silky smooth, though injected with concern, “what’s wrong?”

  
  


“Nothing,” she quickly wiped away the tears, the fact suddenly dawning on her that she had just burst into tears in front of her colleagues, team members and some people who were rather high up in the hierarchy, “I’m fine.”

  
  


Lukas frowned, his smooth face crumpling, “Nathalie, come on. You are most definitely not.”

  
  


“Nathalie, listen to Lukas-” 

  
  


“I’m fine,” she said firmly, shrugging off Lukas and pushing past Michelle. She hated to do so, Lukas was her only friend, and unfairly of her, he was better friends with her than she was friends with him. She exited the room, heading straight for her office. She tried to keep her head low but she could feel her colleagues eyes on her as she moved through the office. Lukas followed swiftly behind her.

  
  


“Nathalie,” he held the door open just as she was about to shut it and entered the room without invitation.

  
  


“I said I’m fine Lukas,” her emotions quickly curdled into anger the further he pressed.

  
  


“At least let me take you home? Jean will be here to pick me up soon. You’re in no state to drive yourself,” She had always wondered how Jean, Lukas’ husband had the time and the energy to pick up Lukas after taking care of Chloe and her spoiled children all day. It was a wonder that he hadn’t left the job long ago. They were all past the age of retirement anyway. She knew that deep down Jean loved the woman and her bratty children even though they were a living hell to be around. 

  
  


“Thank you, Lukas,” she slung her handbag over her shoulder and turned to face him, “but as I’ve already told you,” her voice was cold, and she knew she was being unfairly bitter, but she couldn’t control herself, it was better than falling to the ground in tears anyway, “I am fine.” 

  
  


|||

  
  


Lukas hadn’t bothered to follow her to the car park, he had gotten the message loud and clear. She jammed the keys in the direction of the ignition but missed and somehow grazed herself on the plastic of the car, leaving her with a nice welt on the back of her hand. Nathalie let out a frustrated groan and tried again, but missed. Her hand wouldn’t stop shaking, even as she grabbed hold of it with the other and slowly guided it towards the keyhole she still couldn’t’ quite manage to get it in. She let out a scream, not caring if anyone heard her, and banged her head on the steering wheel, an action she came to regret when she felt it throb with pain as she rested it there. 

  
  


She eventually managed to get the car started and she swiftly exited the parking space and drove up to the exit of the car park. Nathalie forced herself to calm down just so that she wouldn’t go 6 feet under like Gabriel whilst on the road. Checking once, twice and even a third time she allowed herself to pull out onto the road. Midway the blare of a car’s horn bombarded her and Nathalie reflectively slammed her foot down on the brakes causing her to jolt forwards before her seatbelt harshly pulled her back into place. She cursed loudly and allowed herself a handful of heartbeats to just sit there before she pulled herself back into reality to assess the situation.

  
  


For all her patience and caution she had not seen the car race down the road, well over the speed limit, and come barreling towards her. She assumed neither she nor the driver who was probably under the influence of alcohol or some other substance had realised either was in the way, both their visions clouded by different things. The offending car had swerved around her at the last moment, fortunately for her. It was just her luck to have something like that happen on a day like this. 

  
  


Nathalie made it home safely, with no incident after that, even though she didn’t seem to have the patience for anyone on the road or the signals. She closed the door behind her and slid to the floor. It was a wonder, she thought to herself, that she had managed to keep her sobs inside for the extended period of her drive and the time after her breakdown in the meeting room. Immediately once she heard the door click shut and automatically lock the tears fell. Nathalie curled in one herself and her entire body quaked with the force of her weeping. 

  
  


She hadn’t remembered crying like this since Gabriel had broken up with her. It took Nathalie at least half an hour before she could get up and plodded towards her room. Once she reached her bed she didn’t even bother changing and fell on her bed. Her eyes shut in relief and she fell into slumber quickly. 

  
  


|||

The sun tickled her face notifying her of the impending good day, but that was in terms of weather and not on the basis of anything else. Nathalie blinked the gummy feeling out of her eyes swallowed, her throat horrendously dry. Pulling herself up she slid off the bed cringing at the feeling of her crumpled work clothes and a full face of day-old makeup. Momentarily it occurred to her that she should be crying or at the very least feel sad, but her head throbbed with a nasty migraine, and her body was struggling to keep up with her now conscious state. She just didn’t have the energy to cry right then. Soon maybe, when the loss hit her in full force once again. 

  
  


The water flowed from the tap and the noise of it hitting the sink was the only noise that filled her ears despite the fact that she could already hear car horns blaring and engines roaring outside her window. She focused on it and kept it on wastefully after she had filled her glass. Nathalie then focused on the feeling of the cool water going down her throat and exiling the sandpapery texture. Finally turning the tap off she went to her bedroom to retrieve her phone. Subconsciously depressing the on switch when she picked it up Nathalie was immediately ambushed by a bombardment of messages from various colleagues all sending their condolences. She was slightly annoyed at some from people who shouldn’t even know, which meant that someone had spread the news. Her eyes flicked up to the time that sat just above and almost dropped her phone when she read 10:23, she had been sleeping for more than half a day. What was worse was that she didn’t even feel rejuvenated, she was just as tired as ever. 

  
  


After much inward debate, she decided to stay at home. There was no point in reporting to work at this hour, plus no one would be expecting her after what happened the day before. She spent the next half hour just reading the messages and trying not to cry. She wasn’t bothered to reply so she left them all on read. Once she had finally put her phone down she hopped into the shower scrubbing at her face and trying to wash away the makeup and the pain. The latter never left, not for one second. 

  
  


|||

Adrien looked tired, she hated to see him look such a way but she looked the same if not worse. Marinette stood solemnly beside him and their three children flanked each parent, their expressions mirroring their fathers. Louis and Emma had grown significantly but Hugo still stood at the same height but towered over his mother all the same. They were now 13, 14, and 16 respectively. She hadn’t had much interaction with Adrien’s children. In her mission to distance herself from anything to do with Gabriel Agreste, she had missed so much to do with Adrien. She had attended all of their sip and sees, but had never watched them grow up. The only indication she had ever received of their progress through life was various photos Adrien and or Marinette had posted on social media or sent to her personally. Louis glanced her way and they made eye contact, but no obvious recognition passed over his face. It was in moments like that she wished she was a bigger part of their lives just as she was in Adrien’s. 

  
  


Close to her Louis stood Jasmine. Her face contorted in sadness. Her dress, one she recognised from one of Gabriel’s winter lines, was a sleek black. Nathalie thought it too elegant for an occasion such as this but even in grieving the Agreste’s would never sacrifice their style. Her gaze was cast downwards towards Gabriel’s grave, something she also ought to do but her gaze would not focus on his grave for too long lest she risk breaking into inconsolable tears. 

  
  


Various other family members had shown up including Felix and Amelie, probably because the media would crucify them if they didn’t. Other people she recognised from her years of working with Gabriel had gathered, many of whom would be aware of her relationship with Gabriel and would insist on a long-winded conversation revolving around him. She was not interested in that. 

  
  


She managed to stay through the entire funeral, leaving 1-2 minutes early so that she could get to safety before people started crowding her. It was rude. She knew that much. Nathalie had come and left without saying a word to the people who were actual family to Gabriel. But she wouldn’t have been able to open her mouth before she cracked so she went home and cried there instead. 

  
  


|||

  
  


It had become a pitiful routine. Every second morning she’d wake up at 6 AM take a shower, get ready for her workday and hop into her car. If she were feeling especially obliged to not go empty-handed she would take a detour and buy a bouquet of flowers for him which she would then proceed to place on his grave. She’d sit on the bench not too far from him and just stare at the engraved stone, memories of him filling her mind. 

  
  


Nathalie was aware that it was not healthy to hang on for this long and was aware of the irony of the matter. She had urged Gabriel to let Emilie go but now that he was gone she couldn’t say goodbye. She had tried therapy but it had failed miserably, mostly because of her stubbornness rather than her therapist's lack of skill. The biggest achievement that she had got out of that was reducing her everyday visit to every second day, purely because she would feel shit for the rest of the day after her grief in the morning and it was starting to minutely affect her performance. However, she had never failed to turn up to his grave every second day for at least a month. 

  
  


It was on that particular day that she had spied Jasmine walk down the windy path through the cemetery towards her or rather him. She walked with utmost grace for a 70-something-year-old in high heels on the uneven gravel and slightly overgrown grass. Nathalie didn’t need her to come and see her like this or to see her revisit Gabriel’s grave at all. It made her look clingy, look like she still cared after all these years. Both statements were true but embarrassing. There was no way that Jasmine had not seen her, but maybe if she just walked swiftly and lingered in the background Jasmine would just ignore her. Nathalie turned in the opposite direction from the woman and pretended to not have seen her as she averted her eyes and headed for her bench.

She sat down, satisfied that conversation was at least postponed for the time being. Her focus was soon lost and pulled back into her grief, ignoring the world around her. Something that she regretted as she was snapped out of it by none other than Jasmine Agreste herself. 

  
  


“Hello Nathalie,” Nathalie was mildly surprised that Jasmine had remembered her name after all this time, “May I sit?”

  
  


She swallowed and nodded in affirmation. Jasmine took her place next to Nathalie on what now seemed like an illogically small bench, despite the fact that there were at least 6 inches between them. Uncharacteristically Jasmine didn’t say a word after that and Nathalie was forced to start a conversation to slice through the thick discomfort. 

  
  


“How are you coping?” It felt odd to ask a question to which she couldn’t answer honestly. Jasmine looked at her with an unreadable expression.

  
  


“I’m fine. A month has passed, I think Adrien and the kids have come to peace with it too,” the answer seemed genuine enough, which made Nathalie’s awkwardness grow. Jasmine had already moved on, so had Adrien, yet she couldn’t. She was busy chiding herself when Jasmine remarked, “I’ve seen you here quite a bit. At least at all the times, I’ve come, which isn’t much I must admit,” Nathalie was caught off guard by the fact that Jasmine had seen her and also that she had been quite literally caught going to his grave as regularly as she did. For now, she didn’t know she came more often than that and she’d keep it that way, “How often do you come?”  _ Shit _ . Nathalie couldn’t help but feel slightly annoyed by the question. It was none of her business, but maybe it was. She was his wife or at least had been. 

“Not too often, but sometimes I stop by when I pass on my way to work,” she lied. Jasmine hummed in reply offering nothing else and asking no more questions. It was unlike her, but Nathalie waved it off. Their environment was solemn, it would feel almost wrong to start having a lively chat in the middle of a cemetery. 

  
  


They stayed silent, sitting side by side. Each of them lost in their thoughts. 5 minutes passed before Jasmine spoke again.

  
  


“You still love him, don’t you?” Nathalie’s heart jumped into her throat. 

  
  


“I b-beg your pardon,” she sputtered, her pitch slightly higher. 

  
  


“Gabriel,” she said as though that wasn’t obvious, “you still love him,” when she said it this time it wasn’t a question but more of a statement. 

  
  


“I-” Nathalie paused trying to pull words from her tired brain to explain this, “he’s- he passed.”

  
  


If it was appropriate she swore that Jasmine would have rolled her eyes, “I am aware,” Nathalie gritted her teeth, trying not to show her discomfort but obviously failing, “you always loved him,” Jasmine said softly, “I can’t help but be in awe.”

  
  


She had not expected the conversation to take that turn. Jasmine Agreste in awe of her!? “You shouldn’t be.”

  
  


Jasmine let out a quick breath through her nostrils, scoffing at the statement, “He broke up with you and married me yet you continued to love him,” the woman looked at her, angling her body so that she didn’t have to turn her neck. Was she trying to tell Nathalie to shove off? The words said that but her tone didn’t.

  
  


She played it safe anyway, “I’m sorry.”

  
  


The Agreste raised her eyebrows, “I said I’m in awe of you Nathalie, not you should be sorry for loving him.”

  
  


Now it was Nathalie’s turn to stare, “What are you trying to say?”

  
  


“He treated you badly. It was the one thing I disliked about Gabriel. I never truly understood why he left you, but from what I heard from Adrien you were loyal to him for years.”

  
  


“He didn’t treat me badly,” Nathalie wasn’t sure why she was defending a dead man. 

  
  


“Even if he didn’t, what he did to you was unfair.”

  
  


Again she felt the urge to defend him, “It’s not like he could stay with me for the rest of my life if he didn’t love me,” she paused, “that would be unfair on himself.”

  
  


Jasmine frowned, “When did you fall in love with him?” It was another question that grated on her nerves but she answered anyway.

  
  


“I can’t exactly remember,” she laughed silently and sadly, “I think I started falling the moment he hired me,” she pressed her fingers to her eyes, a trait she had picked up from Gabriel, “which was obscenely wrong off me.”

  
  


Jasmine raised her eyebrows at her, wrinkling her forehead, “Well, it’s hardly wrong to fall in love with someone. Plus, you never acted upon it.’

  
  


“He was married,” Nathalie stated simply.

  
  


“But you never acted upon it,” she repeated, “even after Emilie died, you never made even one move,” Nathalie wanted to snort, it wasn’t that simple. But she’d never know.

  
  


“He was still in love with Emilie.”

  
  


She sighed, “But  _ you  _ loved him.”

  
  


Nathalie was getting angry now, “What can I do now,” she bit back, “He’s gone. I’ll never have him. He'll never be mine,” something in the back of her mind urged her to shut up. She shouldn’t be pouring her heart and soul out to this woman, “He went on and he married you. She chose  _ you _ ,” Nathalie stabbed a finger in a startled Jasmine’s direction, “over me.”

  
  


“Nathalie, I’m sor-”

“Don’t you dare say you're sorry,” she felt slightly bad accusing her of something she didn’t do, but she was here now and she wasn’t going to back down, “I worked so hard my whole life to try to deserve him,” her voice was cracking and the anger was slowly seeping out, “So that he'd notice me,” her eyes welled up with tears, “But when he did it was a  _ mistake _ ,” she spat out the word like it was acid in her mouth, “I wasted my life trying to earn his love but he never loved me back,” Jasmine continued to look at Nathalie with pity drawn all over her face. She wanted to punch it out of her, “But your right, I love him. Even now that he's gone, I'll never stop loving him. And when I saw him with you,” Nathalie inhaled, trying to calm herself down, but to no avail, “I'd think about the moment when he left me,” the tears were flowing freely now and out of the corner of her eye she saw Jasmine reach out to comfort her but pulled back when Nahtalie started speaking again, “and it hurt to see him with someone else but I knew that you were good for him. I knew that I couldn't be angry because that's what I always wanted wasn't it? For him to be happy. I just couldn't deal with the fact that it wasn't with me,” she looked at Jasmine, who also looked on the verge of tears. 

  
  


“Oh, Nathalie. I’m so sorry,” Jasmine reached out and pulled her into a hug and to her surprise Nathalie let her. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end.   
> Yeah I know, this chapter was basically me trying to find different ways to say 'she cried'. Also about Lukas, come on, I had to add at least one LGBTQ character into this very hetero fic.   
> Very sorry it took me this long to get the chapter out but all writers know that sometimes you have an idea but don't have a clue about how to get it onto paper... I think I've used that excuse a few times already in this fic XD.   
> Anyway hope you enjoyed it, let me know how you liked it in the comments!

**Author's Note:**

> :|
> 
> Feel free to tell me what you think, I love reading your comments!


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